I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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