i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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