I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
