my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
