My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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