He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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