I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
