Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
