I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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