Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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