I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
