I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
