the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
