And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
