I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
