oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
