Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He did a backflip because drugs
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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