The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Randomize
