Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I hate all girls vehemently.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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