I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
