I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
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