I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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