You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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