You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
