I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
