party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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