Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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