So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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