Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
