Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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