I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
