I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
