I want to have your abortion
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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