I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Randomize
