I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
