My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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