if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
