why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
