I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
