I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
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so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
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He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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