Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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