Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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