can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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