you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
