I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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