but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
