i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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