I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
