You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
