So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
