You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Non-Jews are for practice
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
