Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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