her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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