He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
