Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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