Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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