My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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