is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
handjob tips. give me some.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
