I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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