YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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