i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
