It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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