My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
