respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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