at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
