I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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