Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
