the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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