Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
