Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
