just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
