my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
