He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
