you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
