also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
