just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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