If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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