I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
