my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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